When China Calls

Monday November 14, 2011

Randomly, China sends me text messages.  They come from the void and they get sent back there.  They are usually annoying because I don't understand them and I always think that I have more messages than i really do.  Occasionally, China calls also.  When it calls it's hilarious because I pick up and say: "ting bu dong, ting bu dong, dway bu chi, ting bu dong, zi gen!".  Loose translation, "I don't have a &$*#@&$* clue what the &$(#*@ you are saying to me, so sorry, and good bye!"  Even though, I don't know how to swear and if I did, I wouldn't, that's just rude, but's it's funnier to pretend that I can.  And we all have a laugh at the silly country that calls us and pretends we can understand.

Well...today...Monday, it was a blah monday and I had to give all my students their failed midterm marks back and their term marks, which are also not-so-sweet.  I actually had some boys close to tears and it was one after the other, 4 blocks of breaking hearts.  I had that song in my head "breakin' hearts all over the world tonight...hearts all over the world tonight".  

So, in the middle of one of my more crushing blocks, my phone starts vibrating in my bag - it sounds urgent.  I squeeze the bag to shut it up, because all the kids are self reflecting on what they can do to improve their english situation...rings again, urgent.  I squeeze the bag...rings AGAIN.  Who could possibly be calling me?  The only people I know in China are in this building and they're working.  The bell goes and I head down for lunch.  I look at my phone and I have 5 missed calls and 3 text messages...all in characters with exclamation points.  Of course I assume China is trying to sell me something at a sweet price!! (exclamation for emphasis).  It continues to ring through lunch and I get stares from the other teachers.   I tell them, "China has been blowin' up my phone non-stop today".  So to have a laugh on this particularly blah monday, i pick it up.  

Me:Ni hao?  

China: chinesechinesechinesechinesechinese.  

Me: Ting bu dong.

China: CHINESECHINESECHINESECHINESE!!!!

Me: Dway bu chi, ting BU dong.  Bye bye.

2 minutes later my phone rings again.  The same dialogue ensues.  1 minute later it rings again.  Now all my colleagues are giving me a look that says, I think you need to handle this situation differently...maybe get a student to answer it and find out what's happening.  I start to think that maybe it's an airline calling to tell me of a flight cancellation so I take the advice.  Just so happens there is a student in the office and I answer the phone during it's 8th attempt to make contact...

Me: HELLO??!!

China: HELLO.

Me: ????

China: chinesechinesechinesechinese.

Me to student: could you please talk to whoever this is?

Student: Ni hao.  Hmmm, huh? hmmmmm. uhhhuh.

Student to me: you have a mail.  maybe a package.

Me: Mail?  Where?  (I have no address in China that is not the school itself.)

Incredulous surrounding staff: maybe it's the packages you sent from Canada?  Actually, how would they have your phone number?

Me: I have no idea.  Ting bu dong.

Student (still on the phone): you have flowers.

She instructs the apparently disgruntled, and incredibly frustrated flower delivery man to send the flowers to the school and hands me back the phone.

Staff: who would send you flowers in China??

Me: only one person, but he doesn't have my phone number.  Flashback to one of the times Will and I had spoken and I had given him my phone number because we are planning on meeting in Hong Kong for the weekend in a week and a half.

I went down to the office and I see them sitting on the book shelf - gorgeous roses with a card hanging down.  I ask Lydia in the office, ummmm, hi did I get something delivered today?

Lydia: Oh hi Bree, yes!!  These roses are for you.

The card is celebrating the first day we met a year ago.  He sent them from somewhere off the coast of Libya or Greece  My colleagues say he's a keeper.  I agree.  Best monday ever in China.

The Balloon Man

The Balloon Man

Traffic in Wuhan is messy.  While stuck in traffic on the way to a birthday party last night we had an unexpected surprise.  It would be impossible not to fall in love with a country where you can get stuck in a consistent jam of traffic and be cheered up by a man riding his scooter with around 50 inflated balloons shaped like Sponge Bob Square Pants and Winnie the Pooh.  He was weaving in and out of the traffic with not a care in the world and people were none too shocked to see him.  I think we may have thrown him off a bit by sticking our incredulous faces out the window to try and get a photo but his faced registered nothing.  I guess he was probably concentrating.  Damn, I would be.  I'm nowhere near confident enough to drive on a scooter myself let alone carrying a small carnival on my back.  I'll try to get that photo up asap.  It's a must see.

I have not been blogging because I have been stuck under a pile of around 100 essays that need immediate attention.  There are probably 5 out of the bunch that are at a canadian grade 12 level, and then about 4, off the top of my head, that could be considered University quality.  I definitely have my work cut out for me in the English department.  However, I did treat myself to a rather large Caramel Macchiato  at Starbucks yesterday and was lucky enough to snag a comfy chair in the corner which I turned into a marking fort, kicked my shoes off, plugged my ears into some tunes and didn't look up for 3 hours.  Must remember to find better things to reward myself with on a saturday than mammoth sized caramel coffee, but it was just the taste of home I needed yesterday.

I've been away more than a month now and it is starting to set in that I am not coming home for a while.  It was my beloved dad's birthday yesterday and i found it hard not to tear up when I was wishing that I could be home to celebrate with him.  But, he always says that, "Parents give their children roots, and then they give them wings".  I am enjoying this flight, and i need to keep reminding myself that it is not permanent and that one day I will land somewhere near my family and continue to share my life with the people I love so much.

What I am hoping to do is to keep exercising to keep busy, but also happy.  So, today I plan to venture out into Wuhan and find myself a bicycle.  All the teachers here have wheels of some sort and if you ride for about 20 minutes one way you can get completely out of the traffic clogged city that is my every day reality.  I am looking forward to joining the pack of cyclists and being able to wheel around and check out more of China.  So far all I have seen of this city has been through the window of a taxi and yesterday I couldn't help but sing the Mario Brothers song while my cabbie darted and weaved at high speeds.  It was fun to feel the speed but the lack of seat belts makes me nervous.  I have decide that a very important rule when travelling in a taxi solo is to make sure I am in the middle.  That way I may avoid any side swipes.  Sorry mom.  I'm being safe I swear.  But the traffic does not work the same here, for some reason amid the chaotic driving there is a sense of calm and trust that the other driver is not going to hit you if you cut in front or beside him.  You get to make your own lane literally and so far so good, but I really don't want to witness an accident.  At least on the bike I can stick to the side walks and then only have the scooters to contend with.

It's nice to put that into the void today and I if you don't hear from me in the next 2 weeks it is because we get a 10 day holiday!  We are travelling north to visit some Buddhist monasteries and find some tranquility as close to Tibet as we can get ourselves in a week.  Love to all and I hope to hear from any of you soon.

A Word to the Wine Lover

Buying wine in China can be difficult.  It is not readily carried in "Liquors Shops" nor are there any beautiful wineries to visit, or even and artisan's boutique to visit and sample some delicious cheese along the way.  No.  Most of the wine sits expectantly at random convenience/grocery stores with labels boasting names like: Great Wall and Dynasty.  With such grand names, a connoisseur may be led to believe that they are of great quality.  But where I ask you is the information about the precious grape? where one is used to finding such information are some indistinguishable characters instead.  Buying and drinking wine is Russian Roulette and the only way to know is to pay your quay and hope for the best.  Well, we tried the White "Chardonnay" Dynasty last night and...well...it straight up tasted like someone added sugar to petroleum and bottled it up.  As one of the girls pointed out, the label says Dy-NASTY, that should have been the tip off.  Now we know.

Having travelled to this part of China once before, Wuhan in the Hubei province, I was aware of their wine situation and had planned make good use of the fine wines that the Okanagan has to offer.  With my parents, and many good friends and family along the way, one might say I sipped my way through August; nearly to excess.  I fell a bit more in love with the Chardonnay's than I ever have before, I hear they are very hot this year, and there was a Mission Hill Merlot that curled my toes.  All of this wine consuming was done in the spirit that China never has been, and I imagine never will be, present on the world wine stage.  Last night I was reminded that this is incredibly true.

Although there are "Western" shopping stores available in Wuhan, they are an ordeal to get to.  There is one called Metro but it is about a 45 minute cab ride, and otherwise I would have no means of getting there.  It is a copy cat Costco and DOES sell wine from other countries.  Next time I will stock up on some beautiful New Zealand or Californian wine, and maybe, just maybe, I'll catch a glimpse of that Merlot that I left so far behind me in Canada.  Wine country - I miss you, until next summer.  

Safe and Somewhat Sound

September 6th 2011


I have arrived in the People's Republic.  So far, things have been so busy here since the night we landed.  My school had us on some kind of "kick jetlag in the ass" program where they just threw us into an early morning schedule off the bat.  I have to say I question their methods some.  We've been teaching already for over a week and during that time I secured a huge apartment off campus.  Moving while trying to set up my first few days of teaching is not something I would ever do again.  However, it was worth it as now I've had some time to settle into my surroundings.  The neighbourhood is quite "wealthy" and it provides a nice reprieve from the dirty, noisy goings on of everyday life here in Wuhan.  It only costs 450$ and I'm splitting that 3 ways!  Such a steal of a deal.  As I am still adjusting, my stomach has begun to protest the Chinese food, or as they call it here - food, and is none too happy about the changes.  My salvation: I found some Sprite, at least I think it is Sprite, and hopefully this will pass soon enough.


Today, as I was delivery a gripping lecture about Terry Fox and his inspirational contribution to the Canadian fight against cancer, I heard a ruckus outside the class window.  At first I thought it was my projector speakers, but after hanging my head far out the window I concluded, though I couldn't actually see it, that the building across the street from the school was being blown down.  The noise persisted for around 10 minutes and finally, with now myself and all my students hanging our heads out the window, we discovered that it was a fireworks display being shot off a short distance from the school grounds.  Is this a special tuesday at 11 am?  Some Chinese Festival that I am naively unaware of?  NO, it seems a new business is opening up somewhere close to the fake IGA and this is a way of marking the occasion.  Literally it sounded like the school was under attack.  Midday fireworks, you know you're in China when...