When China Calls

Monday November 14, 2011

Randomly, China sends me text messages.  They come from the void and they get sent back there.  They are usually annoying because I don't understand them and I always think that I have more messages than i really do.  Occasionally, China calls also.  When it calls it's hilarious because I pick up and say: "ting bu dong, ting bu dong, dway bu chi, ting bu dong, zi gen!".  Loose translation, "I don't have a &$*#@&$* clue what the &$(#*@ you are saying to me, so sorry, and good bye!"  Even though, I don't know how to swear and if I did, I wouldn't, that's just rude, but's it's funnier to pretend that I can.  And we all have a laugh at the silly country that calls us and pretends we can understand.

Well...today...Monday, it was a blah monday and I had to give all my students their failed midterm marks back and their term marks, which are also not-so-sweet.  I actually had some boys close to tears and it was one after the other, 4 blocks of breaking hearts.  I had that song in my head "breakin' hearts all over the world tonight...hearts all over the world tonight".  

So, in the middle of one of my more crushing blocks, my phone starts vibrating in my bag - it sounds urgent.  I squeeze the bag to shut it up, because all the kids are self reflecting on what they can do to improve their english situation...rings again, urgent.  I squeeze the bag...rings AGAIN.  Who could possibly be calling me?  The only people I know in China are in this building and they're working.  The bell goes and I head down for lunch.  I look at my phone and I have 5 missed calls and 3 text messages...all in characters with exclamation points.  Of course I assume China is trying to sell me something at a sweet price!! (exclamation for emphasis).  It continues to ring through lunch and I get stares from the other teachers.   I tell them, "China has been blowin' up my phone non-stop today".  So to have a laugh on this particularly blah monday, i pick it up.  

Me:Ni hao?  

China: chinesechinesechinesechinesechinese.  

Me: Ting bu dong.

China: CHINESECHINESECHINESECHINESE!!!!

Me: Dway bu chi, ting BU dong.  Bye bye.

2 minutes later my phone rings again.  The same dialogue ensues.  1 minute later it rings again.  Now all my colleagues are giving me a look that says, I think you need to handle this situation differently...maybe get a student to answer it and find out what's happening.  I start to think that maybe it's an airline calling to tell me of a flight cancellation so I take the advice.  Just so happens there is a student in the office and I answer the phone during it's 8th attempt to make contact...

Me: HELLO??!!

China: HELLO.

Me: ????

China: chinesechinesechinesechinese.

Me to student: could you please talk to whoever this is?

Student: Ni hao.  Hmmm, huh? hmmmmm. uhhhuh.

Student to me: you have a mail.  maybe a package.

Me: Mail?  Where?  (I have no address in China that is not the school itself.)

Incredulous surrounding staff: maybe it's the packages you sent from Canada?  Actually, how would they have your phone number?

Me: I have no idea.  Ting bu dong.

Student (still on the phone): you have flowers.

She instructs the apparently disgruntled, and incredibly frustrated flower delivery man to send the flowers to the school and hands me back the phone.

Staff: who would send you flowers in China??

Me: only one person, but he doesn't have my phone number.  Flashback to one of the times Will and I had spoken and I had given him my phone number because we are planning on meeting in Hong Kong for the weekend in a week and a half.

I went down to the office and I see them sitting on the book shelf - gorgeous roses with a card hanging down.  I ask Lydia in the office, ummmm, hi did I get something delivered today?

Lydia: Oh hi Bree, yes!!  These roses are for you.

The card is celebrating the first day we met a year ago.  He sent them from somewhere off the coast of Libya or Greece  My colleagues say he's a keeper.  I agree.  Best monday ever in China.